One-sided love

I see myself in your eyes, as if I am not drowning in my sadness

As if they'll disappear, I'll see your eyes from afar

My heart pounds restlessly within my painful chest

I breathe deeply, and I can't laugh

As if I had been imprisoned by you, as if I had been rejected by you

My heart grows frightened, and don't tell me why, no matter what

Call my name, as if I am not drowning in my sadness

I made no mistake, despite where I was

No one grieves, and I continue to search for kindness

I want to know your strengths and your weaknesses

My fingers seem to reach you, but my feelings cannot reach you

I'm afraid of destroying tomorrow, but I don't want to surrender, my chest aches

I thought that every I wish I made will be granted

But selfish time ended it

I had seen how that loneliness will stretch

It's like walking into a little light

My fingers seem to reach you, but my feelings cannot reach you

I'm afraid of losing you, but I don't want to surrender, no matter what 

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This song is really one of my favorites! A story about wanting to love but fearing rejection (Damn... Sounds like me :/ ). Tragedy, sadness, rejection, love all rolled into one song. I think this song reflects me very strongly when I think about it.

The need to find love, but fearing that I'll be rejected. Fearing that what me and the other party had will just crumble. I don't like that part of me. For those of you who know that I'm impulsive, know that is because I do not fear. But when I stop and thinking about for quite sometime, it is because I fear. Considering whether is it truly worth it to find the one I love? How long can I make it last? If it has to end, can I handle it? I see people around telling me I won't understand the pain till I experienced it. But then I looked at those who are "very experienced". Despite being in loads of relationships, when they break up, that guy goes and emo for a loooong time. So I'm like "Huh... Experience so as hell doesn't make it feel any less painful."

Wanting to reach out. Wanting to take a step forward. Fearing that I'll fall... Sigh......

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Well on the bright note, I'm seriously going to learn to play a stringed instrument!! Either a violin or a guitar! Its now it been price vs dreams. Violin is gonna be very expensive but its been my life's dream to learn how to play it. While the guitar is a cheaper alternative but I dunno... I feel like I'm so "malay" if I learn it (NO OFFENSE TO MALAY GUITARISTS OUT THERE!!). Gaaaaaahh!!! New objective!! Find the total price for both instrument with graded lessons and make a decision! I have a few more months before I truly commit myself!! And no... An ukulele is off the list. Kinda too small for my taste :x